Dear Diary

Dear Diary…

Today was not a good day. There’s been so much pressure on me lately. I feel like the forces of nature have been pressing down on me especially hard, and if it continues I’ll be left completely empty inside.

Please help.

End of correspondence.

—

Dear Pen, this is Diary…

We all know you have a flair for the dramatic, but your last “correspondence” was particularly needy. You and your fancy words. Every time you contact me, I feel as though I lose a bit more of myself. I need more space.

We’ll talk soon

End of correspondence.

—

Dear Diary, Pen again…

Your last letter upset me quite a lot. As if I wasn’t already blue enough. I am going to end it all tonight, and I want you to know that it’s all your fault. You’ll be in the note, the police will find it, and everyone will know you’re responsible.

End of correspondence FOREVER!

—

Dear Pen…

What exactly is your point? If you haven’t killed yourself already, I really do need you to come over and pick up your lid. You left it clipped to the top of my swirly spine thing. If I don’t hear back, I’ll presume you have departed our realm and I’ll give it to one of those pen charities for top-less pens.

Let me know ASAP.

—

Dear Diary…

How can you be so cold? The way you talk to me, it’s like we never even happened. Am I really nothing to you?

Last chance.

Signed, Pen.

—

Pen…

Get a grip, seriously. 

Diary.